Confusing Thoughts, Fears, and Anxieties

Confusing Thoughts, Fears, and Anxieties

As a therapist, I meet with over 30 clients per week.  I have the unique opportunity to share clients their feelings of angst and fears and likewise, victories and successes.  Today, like everyone else, I am trying to make sense of a crazy time that can be remarkably confusing.  I will share thoughts and themes that seem to come up over and over again in session and conversation in general!   My intent isn’t to disprove any point of view, rather to challenge your thinking and provide an alternate perspective to what may not be working or positive reinforcement to what is already working.

What we are experiencing over and over are feelings of fear often causing anxiety.  Anxiety    shows itself in different ways, like obsessive cleaning, irrational thought/racing mind, irritability, or feelings of futility.   And for the record, to kill the virus you do not have to wash your mouth with soap! 

My initial response to “I am just overwhelmed with (any of the above)” is this:  “You are right. Your feelings are accurate.  Whatever you’re feeling probably makes sense.  It’s just the degree of affect-  the amount of anxiety that you are feeling.  Remember, there would be more concern if you didn’t feel anything!”

With this there are a few things to understand about fear and anxiety.  First, fear is a cognitive mechanism engaged to ward off danger.   Our judgment center (forebrain) thinks ‘fear’ as a means to jumpstart anxiety which we feel and recognize as a warning of impending danger.  It’s a healthy mechanism whose sole function is to protect us from danger. Anxiety is the ‘feeling’ of fear that warns us to make smart decisions to stay well.  If we make good decisions the thought of fear dissipates and likewise the feeling of anxiety.   With this, the term ‘Negativity bias’ was coined to be seen as a survival device utilizing fear of a negative to protect us from harm-  simply an easy way to better safe than sorry!  In other words, think the worst to avoid problems. 

So, in a certain context, it makes complete sense to feel fear-  a healthy protective mechanism that utilizes anxiety as a way to manifest or express the thought of fear.  If you have the thought, “I am afraid” typically it hasn’t happened yet because the thought is of the future (if it already happened rather than thinking I am afraid you would be reacting to the experience whatever it is).  Anxiety is the feeling of the thought of fear of a future experience. 

In theory this concept works well.  However, problems arise when we blow things out of proportion with irrational thought (or stuff we make up-  the ‘what ifs’).  More specifically, what is supposed to happen is this:  we think of a potentially fearful situation.  We establish and appropriate level of concern, and lastly, we access the appropriate degree of anxiety (as a way to ‘feel’ our thoughts).  But if we blow up our thoughts (fears) inevitably the feelings (anxiety) become disproportionate to the situation.  Basically, we cannot determine an appropriate level of concern because our anxiety is responding to our thoughts-  hence we are too confused to establish what is real and what isn’t.  We end up on a psychological hamster wheel.   Our thoughts fuel the anxiety and our anxiety fuels our thoughts.  Phrased differently, the point of fear and anxiety is to propel us into action to protect ourselves and allay the fear and then of course the allow the anxiety to dissipate.   If our anxiety doesn’t let us recognize we are taking appropriate action and continues to escalate it begins to interfere with our daily thoughts/tasks. 

If we never learn or learned to manage the feeling(s) of anxiety, it will appear like an enemy waiting to pounce on its victim- our thoughts.  Anxiety is there…  lurking in the depths of our mind, simply waiting for a chance to function.  To understand this further, consider two more aspects about anxiety.  One has to do with primary and secondary emotions the other with control.

Primary and secondary emotions relate to thoughts and feelings that occur at different times in our lives or experiences.  Primary emotions are thoughts and feelings that have occurred or are occurring in the present. Secondary emotions are associated with thoughts and feelings that have occurred in the past.  For example, consider someone had a bad math teacher in third grade and feels self-conscious when berated by the teacher to the point of feeling anxious about attending the class (secondary emotion).  Years later, in the here and now, as an adult is berated by a professor in graduate school.  All of a sudden feels overwhelmed with self doubt.   The secondary feelings are interfering with the primary feelings. It’s certainly not uncommon to confuse the secondary emotions: feelings of doubt, shame and/or low self-esteem even anxiety causing anxiety with feelings the same feelings (primary emotions) as an adult.  Obviously the experiences in the past are different then the experiences in the present.  However, in our feeling bank-  anxiety feels like anxiety.  Consider, different feelings of anxiety are associated with different experiences in our lives.  

Today there is certainly a justification for feelings of fear obviously related to the virus that causes Covid- 19.  Be very careful not to connect old secondary feelings of fear to this present-day situation. It’s possible that the old feelings of fear may correlate with an inability to take action and rectify or allay the fear.  In other words, the old feeling of fear still exists.   If the thought had perspective and the accompanying feeling was resolved, we could argue the secondary thoughts and feelings would dissipate.  They would lose power and not fuel primary thoughts and feelings.   This awareness allows for us to maintain greater clarity in order to address, for example, our fears in the present. 

Thought always precedes emotion.  If we can change our thoughts we can change or manage our feelings. If we can face our fear with awareness and understanding we can then challenge the accompanying feelings.   This awareness begins to let us understand what control means.  Control relates to thought.  If we have control of our thoughts we have control of our feelings.  Control won’t make the fear go away. Those are the wishes of children.   While we are mortal and fallible we do have the ability to control our thoughts.  If we are preoccupied with the fear and anxiety we cannot create a conscious awareness to manifest or create success because our energy is preoccupied with fear and anxiety!  Again, a psychological hamster wheel.

We have more potential to calm ourselves and create success than you can ever imagine.  The first challenge is to understand and harness thoughts of fear and the accompanying feelings of anxiety.  While in theory they are helping us to survive, at the same time in the long run, will impede on the ability to think clear, calm and allow for the positive.